I remember that day like it was yesterday actually. And I don't think theres anyplace I would've rather been.

I don't know what to tell you Jen. (ps I'm a keener basically read this everyday aha )

I do love you. It's true. And  I miss you, I miss seeing you and hanging out with you and everything. And I'm slowly becoming more and more aware of how many other people are taking a different path and living a completely different part of their lives. I was talking to my small group leader on Wednesday about it and she did the same thing. I dunno, I'm bad at this. Because I want nothing more than for my friends to be happy. And I don't believe that happiness only comes from God or the like, because I've been there and maybe I was young and naive but I was happy. And you're old (as in not 7) and intelligent and have the right to make your own choices as to what pertains to your own happiness.

You're still the same Jen. Maybe not on the outside, but inside, your heart, your spirit...you're still the same Jen. And I still love you. And I always will. And I'm sorry if I've judged you or misjudged you and been a horrible friend. I was just sickinly worried about you, I hate seeing my friends not be as close to God only because I want to see them in heaven. But I'm glad to see you care. Or at least I think you do? No, I'm sure you do. You care about how your friends are doing, about what they think of you...that's good. And at least you're willing to hear what everyone has to say, optimistic or not. I'm glad you do, because there are definetely people who don't.

It just breaks my heart a little...but the heart is still full of love and you're still in it

Okay?

I'm going to go finish talking to you on MSN now...I'm not sure why it is I can't do both at the same time...something I'll never figure out.

I love you Jenffener... you know that right?  I miss talking and hanging out with you... and spending that time on those playgrounds just talking. Talking. I would love to talk again. So if you ever feel up to it... lets get in touch... call me if you want... or email me or something and we shall get another playground date set.

Love you babes!

Kenny

Awww... Jenny-T. I lurver ya. And I read it all the time. Ever read mine? (heeheehee...)

I lurver ya tons. And Jon is special. He slept on my carpet and scared my sister with his pants on my living room carpet.... call me and we'll talk. Soon. Real soon. Slurpies in winter kind of soon.

Awww... Jenny-T. I love you like a fat kid loves cupcakes.

OOO WHY I'D DIE TO FIND OOOOOUT

OOOOOOOO IM A DIEA FIND OOOUT

I love savaaage gardaaaan

you know whats funny? well.. a few things

1. I found out what Josh was gonna get me for christmas cause he blurted out "BITE ME" in science and I turned to him and went "Thats whats going on my shirt isnt it?" and he was just like "... CRAP" .... well you know. not crap... but.. hahahaha yeah

2. I love savage garden, even though I dont know why that's funny

3. None of these answers have anything to do with your entry.

k on to serious stuff I guess.

I remember that day. Hah. sad but relieving in a way, just I dunno seeing everyone around. It was comforting to know that we werent alone going through this pain, you know? Like we were all one big group and we knew exactly what was going on in each others heads (i think!). Its kinda how I feel... only, not so much anymore. Im sorry for making it seem like I didnt care about your bar adventures. I really do, its just the fact that I dont know whats going on, I've never been there, I've never been drunk/tipsy or anything. I cant relate, and for some reason that makes me feel awkward. What do you want me to say? I cant say anything. I cant really be like "Oh jen thats great" cause my personal opinion is that it aint so great to me, and I certainly cant be like "THATS HORRIBLE YOU'RE A SINNER" cause thats stupid and its not a sin cause you're legal. So bloody hell I dont know what to say!!

Sorry for making that stuff awkward. For some reason this whole thing has put me off balance with you. For a long time I felt like I didnt want to be around you (and unfortunatly I'm sure you could tell) cause you were a different person to me. You werent Jen anymore. You were Jons girlfriend (since thats all you talk about).. or... just... someone different. It really hurt me to see you go somewhere that I couldnt follow cause now I cant relate to you on a part of your life thats clearly important to you.

And this sucks saying it here but you're at work right now and I cant talk to you, so if you want to talk about this afterwords, feel free. But I want you to know how I really feel about Jon, because I have mixed thoughts. First off, I want me to like him cause I know how important he is to you. But for the love of me, I cant get the fact out of my head that he keeps trying to bug me. I know its a joke and all, but its irritating and it just makes me dislike him more and more. One thing that really sticks out for me is when he was over here that saturday after you guys finished the tree and we were downstairs and he said something about me being nothing. I felt like I wanted to get up and punch him in the face, and the worst part was that you laughed. I know it was a joke, but you just laughed along with him. You didnt do a single thing to defend me, and at that point its almost like I felt for a second that you werent there to defend me anymore, but to make me feel like crap the way he does.

please tell him for me that I dont find his jokes funny.

wow this is long.

um... i wanna get into deeper detail, and I want to see your reaction to all of this cause if I dont know how you feel about all this then I dunno.

I guess I miss who my sister was I guess. You are different to me, I still love you cause well frick you're my sister and you're awesome... its hard for me to see you fall away from God when thats all we've ever really known... and please dont think of christians as close-minded. Some of them are, but you know this jen, you werent a close-minded christian, you were open and accepting like Jesus was.

Its hard to not relate to you anymore about faith...

you're my sister, and I love you so much.

I just want you to be happy.